Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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