why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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