This is not my ceiling
she woke up with a sticky ear
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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