Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
