just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
a search helicopter?!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
