so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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