So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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