She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
