This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
