Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
