I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
