After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
