well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
