you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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