i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just puked most of my soul out..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
