Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
