he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
