my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
