i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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