I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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