Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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