Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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