He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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