The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
