smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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