were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
