the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
