i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
