her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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