Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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