marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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