I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
