OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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