I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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