He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize