she woke up with a sticky ear
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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