Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
