ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
