Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
