he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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