I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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