i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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