maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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