My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
