I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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