Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
