Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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