Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
