If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I could make wine with my vomit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
high people should be assigned attendants
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
