A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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