I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
