just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
