Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She told me I should be a condom model.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
