The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
