Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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