He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
