I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
