Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
