You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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