Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
