Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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